


Day #16: Childhood Memories

by Accal1a



Series: December Nickels Insanity [16]
Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux, Sidewinder Series - Abigail Roux
Genre: Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Orphans, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-07 13:32:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Kelly and Nick have a heart to heart about their childhood.





	Day #16: Childhood Memories

Nick was on the flybridge of the Fiddler, assessing to see if there had been any damage after a recent storm. As far as he could tell, there were a couple of boards that might need replacing soon, but nothing that needed to be done immediately.

As he straightened up, he saw the familiar figure of his fiancé making his way across the parking lot towards the berth. He grinned wide, all thoughts of DIY forgotten as he moved down the steps towards the main salon.

"Kels! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until next week!" Nick exclaimed, beaming at his partner.

Kelly didn't say anything, just crowded in to his personal space, like he always had, and swept him up in a hug.

"I thought you might need me today." Kelly whispered in Nick's ear, hugging him tighter still.

Nick's breath caught in his throat. The assurance that he was fine died on his lips.

"Come on Lucky, I'll make you some tea." Kelly said, pushing Nick gently back into the boat.

~~~

Kelly had pottered about in the kitchenette for a few minutes making tea, casting surreptitious glances at Nick as if expecting him to fall apart at any moment.

"I'm _fine_ , Kels." Nick said after the third look.

"Bullshit." Kelly replied softly.

When they were settled in with cups of tea, Kelly put his arm around Nick's shoulder and merely rested it there, not tugging Nick into another hug, not squeezing at all, just giving Nick the weight of his presence and the promise of support if he should need it.

"Every year I wake up and for just a split second I think it's all a dream," Nick started apropos of nothing, "for a brief moment I think I'm either back there, seventeen and in pain. Or I think I left, but my sisters died. That my leaving was the catalyst for a horrific headline."

"Nicko…"

"And like a second later I realise I'm awake and that I'm me, but to begin with that's what I think. It haunts me that there are other Nick's in other universes that that happened to. There's another Nick who has no family left, because they're either dead or in prison. There's another Nick that died at the hands of his father, still protecting his sisters. There's another Nick who didn't join the marines and eventually murdered his father and ended up in jail. There's another Nick who never met Ty, never made Recon, never met _you_ , that Nick probably works a dead-end job with no brothers at all. There's another Ni…"

Kelly set his cup down and turned Nick's face so that he could look at him. "You're _this_ Nick."

"I know, I know that…but I mourn for those ones. Every year, for just a second, I think I could be one of them; that could have been me. I could be different I could…"

"Nicko, listen to me."

Nick met Kelly's eyes and the pain there nearly took Kelly's breath away. He never wanted to see that look on his lover's face, not if there was anything he could do to stop it. Nick looked away again when Kelly started speaking.

" _This_ you is the one that is here. This Nick is a hero, a best friend, a lover, an incredible dork and one of the most honourable men I've ever had the privilege to meet. This Nick is an utter BADASS and one that I would have at my side in anything that life throws at us, whether it's grenades or otherwise. You did right by your sisters. You do right by your friends. You do right by me. There is nothing on this earth that can stop you, and nothing in the multiverse that can either. I know you look for failures at every turn, and you have some flaws, granted." Kelly smiled to lessen the slight dig. "But you do not need to atone for this. You did the absolute best you could and I love you so much for that. You are a goddamn hero." 

Nick had tears in his eyes when he met Kelly's gaze again. He opened his mouth, unsure what he was going to say. He didn't know if he was going to rebuke Kelly's declarations, try to convince him he was wrong, or accept the truth in the words.

"I know you are probably thinking up a million reasons why what I've just told you is a lie; but it isn't. I wouldn't lie to you about this. You are strong as fuck and I am so lucky to know you."

"Jesus, Kels." Nick got out, tears spilling down his cheeks. "Did you fucking _practice_ that?"

Kelly looked shifty for a second. "Maybe."

"I love you." Nick said, a bit of vigour back in his voice.

"You too." Kelly replied, wiping the tears from Nick's face with his thumbs.

~~~

Six months later, when Kelly awoke with a gasp and a subsequent hitching sob on the anniversary of his parents death, Nick was there to pull him into his arms, rocking him slowly and intermittently kissing the top of his head.

Those days hadn't lost their potency for grief. There was too much in the past that had the possibility of breaking them, if they let it; but they both knew that in the future they would never have to suffer these days alone.

That was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Come and visit the [Cut & Run Discord Server](https://discord.gg/vvy6c76) and join us as we discuss/scream about this awesome series.


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